Kids
I've had lots more time to spend with Sarah. I've also had plenty of time observing other kids on the way to and from Sarah's school. And this time and observation leads me to a new conclusion.
Kids are perpetually wasted. Blotto. Baked. Two sheets to the wind.
I've got three ironclad proofs of this phenomenon.
One. Kids cannot walk in a straight line. No kid could pass a drunk test. Forget the finger on the nose even. And have you ever had to walk behind a kid? They suddenly stop to admire a leaf or a dust mote. They slow down so that you almost trip over them. Then they run ahead.
Kids talk like stoners. Take almost anything a kid says and add a "dude" to the end and it all fits. "Chickens have beards ... dude."
Kids can't remember anything. Sarah has forgotten her jumper at school. Her sweatshirt too. Her water bottle. She forgets to pay for lunch. Or a drink. This morning she forgot her book bag. And she forgets everything that has happened in class whenever we ask her. Only old age and drug use cause forgetfulness, and they're not old.
What is the cause? Is some unknown gland secreting away like a beer tap that won't turn off? What explains this shoe perpetually wedged between the Doors of Perception? Can we adults get it too?
Kids are perpetually wasted. Blotto. Baked. Two sheets to the wind.
I've got three ironclad proofs of this phenomenon.
One. Kids cannot walk in a straight line. No kid could pass a drunk test. Forget the finger on the nose even. And have you ever had to walk behind a kid? They suddenly stop to admire a leaf or a dust mote. They slow down so that you almost trip over them. Then they run ahead.
Kids talk like stoners. Take almost anything a kid says and add a "dude" to the end and it all fits. "Chickens have beards ... dude."
Kids can't remember anything. Sarah has forgotten her jumper at school. Her sweatshirt too. Her water bottle. She forgets to pay for lunch. Or a drink. This morning she forgot her book bag. And she forgets everything that has happened in class whenever we ask her. Only old age and drug use cause forgetfulness, and they're not old.
What is the cause? Is some unknown gland secreting away like a beer tap that won't turn off? What explains this shoe perpetually wedged between the Doors of Perception? Can we adults get it too?
posted by Michael Nelson at 2:31 pm
1 Comments:
Mike, you've missed the point. Kids are like animals, or if you prefer dogs. When they're young, they, like puppies, are very cute, no matter what stupid things they do. When they get older, they love you like dogs do, occasionally go into wild barking fits, are totally unpredictable when being taken for a walk (starting, stopping, wavering, etc), are hard if not impossible to understand and communicate with, and can't seem to remember anything, like staying off your favorite piece od furniture, not chewing on some personal piece of clothing or furniture, etc. So all the characteristics you've described about kids also fit dogs (and probably other untrained animals); that is why we send them to the trainers (i.e., school). And, sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn't. Good luck.
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